Today I went shopping... and it was crazy...
The director of the boys town, two of the kids and I headed into the centre of Chennai to one of the main shopping districts, a place called T.Nagar - a place full of market stalls, shops and giant, humid & busy megastores. We ended up in one of these previously mentioned megastores, but only after walking through the markets, where of course, myself being white (Indian logic = Rich), I was accosted by hundreds of day-glo plastic flutes, baby clothes & tacky ball games...
The boys town had to stock up their supply of raincoats by about 40 - thus the two boys who acted basically as walking, talking shopping trolleys! While we were there I strolled randomly into the Sports section (in between the raincoat and the mysteriously named Fancy section...). There was, it appeared , no logic to the mapping of the store but I suspect there was some sort of crazy genius to it that went straight over my head...
But I digress, as I said - I ended up making an expedition to the sports section - where I decided to purchase a cricket bat for the younger boys - who often made do by playing with a large stick! After wading through the chess department and circumnavigating the Antiperspirants (see the crazy genius - chess is a very stressful game!) I found the till - at least I think the till was somewhere inside the mad throng of people surrounding an circular station where the staff were working with all the energy of a manic 13 year old child on speed...
After refueling with some butter masala (wow!) and some Butterscotch Ice cream (double wow!) we walked back to the bus stop carrying our shopping, which meant having to go back through the market... I got ready, psyched myself up and braced myself for the barrage of brightly coloured tat - but it never came! One man started towards me with a brightly coloured holographic picture of a baby before he exclamed "oh, you have a cricket bat" and retreated prompltly to the safety of his stall. I think they thought I had 'my weapon' (the bat) for their benefit - There must have been rumours that a crazy white guy was out on the rampage with his trusty child sized cricket bat - I think I might not actually give it to the kids and just take with me every time I go shopping!!!
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Quick breather before part 2 - cup of tea suggested! (sorry again for the length....)
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Whilst on the bus home I also began thinking about the Indian rules of the road... and therefore I have listed for your pleasure the Indian Highway code (as viewed by me):
1. Drive on the Left (unless the right looks nicer - then just go for it!)
2. Maintain a constant speed of 50 km/h at ALL times - even in the face of heavy traffic, wayward animals/children & oncoming buildings
3. If you have to break, do it properly! i.e. as fast as possible - no point in not putting 100% effort!
4. Concerning animals on the road:
Dog - rev engine violently (you always have right of way over dog)
Cow - Honk horn (respectfully!) then drive round
Pedestrian - slow down slightly, then get angry and accelerate shouting wildly
5. Your skill of Driving is only as good as your proficiency to honk - it takes a real man to be able to suffer from a mad bout of road rage and still be able to honk the chorus of MJ's Thriller... (and it is your duty to practice honking at any nearby vehicle, animal or empty stretch of road)
6. Before any long journey collect all non biodegradable items in your house (plastic, metal or preferably any nearby spare crude oil) and randomly throw it onto the side of the road periodically through the trip - plastic makes the boring earth really nice and colourful plus it gives the cows food!
7. The lines painted on the road (if any...) are completely coincidental and have no bearing whatsoever... Feel free to weave about and change lanes as much as possible - doubly so if on motorbike and in heavy traffic
8. The bigger the vehicle, the more likely it has right of way
9. Traffic lights are only guidelines...
10. If in doubt stop, exit vehicle, start shouting loudly and threaten to slap all near drivers, pedestrians and/or animals
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Wow, that was a marathon entry - maybe I should have done that in two posts... Oh well, it's written now and I'm officially knackered!
Now what happened about that cup of tea...
Cheers for reading!!!
